She loves to talk to the Snowman!
This is the face I get when I say "Cheese" Hannah
Another "Cheese" picture
Well, I am a little late with the last and final posts to my weekly challenge! But, after getting such GOOD news about Hannah on Thursday, I have felt like a bird let out of a cage, a ton of bricks have been lifted from my shoulders, and for one night in 2 weeks I finally got over 4 hours sleep. Sooooo....Soooo thankful for God's blessings on me and my family on Thursday, November 19, 2009...also Hannah's 14 month b'day! I already owed God my life for saving my soul when I was 11 years old at Bee Spring Missionary Baptist Church, but my debt is even greater now!
For some that don't know the whole story....On Thursday we had an appt. at the Commission with Children's with Disability with the Pediatric Cardiology Team from Kosair and the sweetest, fun loving doctor that absolutely made my day...Dr. Sollinger. For those of you who know me very well, you know that I am a worrier, a fixer, and hates the unknown. Yes, I was one of those who would unwrap Christmas presents and wrap them back just because I couldn't stand to not know what was in them!
Ever since Hannah was born, we knew she had a heart murmur or PFO. We had ultrasounds and an EKG before we left the hospital that was sent to Kosair for reading, and even though there was a 4mm PFO present, nothing seemed to be so severe that it couldn't be followed up on from time to time. We continued on with our 3,6,9months visits with our pediatrician, Dr. Kries, and it seemed to be that things were going to be okay and that the PFO was diminishing. She got a cold when she was 11months old and I took her to see Dr. Kries for meds, and as usual she always listens to her heart. She could hear something much louder than previous visits, so she went ahead and scheduled another ultrasound and EKG at the Med. Center for the next day. She assured me that it was nothing serious, but that the PFO may have gotten larger and she just wanted to be safe. And, that is just what the results concluded. It had gone from 4mm to 5mm, right the opposite of what murmurs or PFOs normally do...they generally shrink and close up if they are going to fix themselves. However, I followed back up with Dr. Kries and she recommended that I bring her back in for her yr. checkup and that we would make plans then to see a pediatric cardiologist because there could be a chance that it could be an atrium septum defect. Since cardiology wasn't her speciality, she just reassured me with a hug that it would be okay, and she knew how crazy I was about my girls and that she wanted to do all testing possible for reassurance. I had took her by myself on this particular visit, and I can just remember feeling like my world was falling apart. This precious baby that seemed so perfect on the outside could have something wrong on the inside??? Once again, my fixer personality was coming out again...I just wanted to know right then..that day what was wrong. Even though working in the health care field every day I knew that people live a normal life everyday with PFOs, I still didn't want anything to be wrong with my baby's heart. Kyle called about the time I was having all these thoughts, and I just couldn't hold back the tears. He reassured me that everything would be okay, and we would talk about it when I got home. I kept thinking about so many sweet kids and babies that I have been close to that had heart problems...I was becoming consumed with Negativity and that is normally not my attitude. When I got home Kyle's hugs, talk, and prayers together completely changed my attitude at that point in time.
I took Hannah in for her yr checkup in October...a few weeks after she turned 1 and since the team of doctors only come to BG once a month we had to schedule the appt. for November. As Dr. Kries listened to her on that particular day for a long time again, I was still so concerned. I had tried to become positive about the whole situation, but everytime that we went in and she listened to her I still would be consumed with the whole thing again. I immediately said..."Is it still loud..or is it better?" She said, "It is still there and it sounds about like last time." Still I was so concerned!!! She reassured me that if it was something severely serious that she wouldn't be growing good and functioning the way a normal 1 yr old should. She said, "We know there is a PFO, we just want to make sure that this is all." I still left there that day concerned, and still wanting to know the "unknown." Still the same feelings from the 11 month visit were starting to come back again. I was thinking the worst all over again. I tried to pray all the way home and ask God to help me with this crisis. When I got home, Kyle reassured me again with the same hugs, talk, and prayers together that night before we went to bed that it would be okay. I felt better, and I just continued to ask God to please help me be strong...to take care of my baby...my world...something so precious that he gave me! I tried to focus on prayer and other positive things in my life and just wait until the Pediatric Team called to set up the appt. I still spent many nights watching her sleep, holding her while she slept, and just worrying. I talked to many of my good friends about the whole situation...and they comforted me so much. However, the motherly worry that I have inherited...that my mother used to drive me crazy with as a teenager....still existed in the back of my mind daily.
I got a call on November 5th at work from the Pediatric Cardiologist nurse to set up Hannah's appt. I had to do a phone consultation about Hannah's history and records, and as we talked about it, I could still feel that same fear coming back again. After the call, I decided to leave the center and go out for some lunch...I just needed some quite time again to let it all sink in again. Still, there was that worry...negativity...and wanting to fix everything now that day. I went back to work and my staff knew something was wrong. I am normally not quite, but I was worried. So many of them comforted me, talked to me, and gave me lots of hugs. I felt better, but still I was so worried! For the next 2 weeks I got little sleep and just couldn't wait until November 19 arrived. I still had all that fear inside, but I just needed to know the unknown.
As Kyle and I drove to the Commission on Thursday, I could feel that people were praying for us! That morning and throughout the whole week I had felt so encouraged by my family, friends, coworkers, etc. I still was scared, anxious, and overwhelmed with the fact that we were going to put our baby through 3-4 hours of testing. Even though the fear was still there, I could feel love and prayers! We did the first test and it wasn't so bad....Hannah cooperated very well. Then, we headed to the waiting room for the second test were the nurse explained that we would probably have to hold her down for 20-30 minutes while they mapped out her heart and took lots of pictures. I didn't think I would be able to stand it! Kyle was strong for me and he held her hands back and the other nurses held her feet and head. All I could do was watch and smile at her and try my best to comfort her. It seemed like the longest 30 minutes of my life. After we finished with that they did a quick ultrasound again of the heart and then told us to have a seat in the waiting room while the team reviewed the results and then Dr. Sollinger would be in to talk to us. We sat in there for about an hour and once again I was still thinking if nothing is wrong why is it taking so long? However, I could still feel that people were praying for us! Kyle once again was my rock and told me that it would be okay no matter what! Finally....Finally....Dr. Sollinger came into the room. I know I was expressionless. He said.."What do you want me to tell you first..the good news...or the good news?" I can't even begin to explain....how I felt! I said, "Does this mean my baby's heart is okay?" "Yep...it sure does!" he said. At that point I hugged him so tight! I knew that God was the one who took care of the situation, but I was so thankful to hear it from a doctor's mouth! He said that in our situation that it could have been closure of the PFO, a hole in her heart, or an ASD or leaky valve. He explained that the PFO had gotten bigger, but then started to heal and what Dr. Kries was hearing was the tunneling and closure of the PFO. He explained that she did exactly what she should of by sending us for testing to confirm closure instead of the other alternatives. I was so overwhelmed with relief and joy! "This means your baby is healthy and you don't ever have to look at us again," he said.
Kyle and I left the building and when we got in the car we both had to let the tears flow and thank God for taking care of our family once again. GOD IS SO GOOD! We headed to O'Charley's to eat and spend the rest of the day without any worries about our baby's heart. Hallie had her first ball practice that night, and Hannah and I stayed in and played. I went to sleep that night so thankful and relieved! I owe my God so much! So...I think this explains "Thankful Thursday"...and for "Fantastic Friday" it was spent still being thankful, house cleaning, finishing up Christmas trees, and attending a birthday party. No matter what though...it was still fantastic.
I am so glad for what this week has meant to me! I have gained so much encouragement from this challenge, family, friends, coworkers, my sweet clients etc. I am going to try to face every week with the same attitude that I have had this week. I know that life is not always grand, but it is the times in the valley that make us stronger! I am still on the mountain now, but I know it doesn't last long, and that life is full of challenges for us to face. However, I am so glad that I know that when you have GOD in your life and people that love you and pray for you that things will work out! I only hope that I can always be a friend to those I love who need me for strength and encouragement when the storms of life rage! For without all of you this week and the help of God I don't know how I would have survived. I hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend! Happy 14 months Hannah Claire...it was a GREAT Day! You absolutely loved the potato soup at O'Charley's! Sorry this was so long, but this is a week I never want to forget!
